Disappointment!

I had hoped to hear from Shaohannah's Hope about our grant application before leaving for Victoria on Saturday and today I got my wish. Unfortunately, it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Nothing. We got nothing. NOTHING! It wasn't just disappointment I felt when I read their very nicely worded rejection form letter. I was surprised, really surprised. I truly thought, believed, and I guess hoped that they would bless us. I cried, of course. I felt fear too because this blow starts to shatter the dream I have of taking the girls with us to Ethiopia when we pick up Kidus. Probably I should give up this dream. That way when we need to make the difficult decision about taking the girls or not taking them it won't hurt so bad. But I'm not going to. I'm going to hope for that miracle until we've checked our bags and made it through security. I just can't imagine kissing them goodbye and getting on that plane without them. It doesn't make sense to me. They have been a part of this process from the beginning, supporting us, encouraging us, and praying for us, for Kidus, and for all orphans. We have to take them and I sure hope we find a way. How can I tell them they can't come? So we've been rejected by two grant agencies. We have two more apps out there. Maybe they will bless us. I know how hard I've prayed and how hard Henley has prayed for this. God hears our prayers. He has a plan and this rejection must have been a part of his plan. I'm reminded how I should give thanks in all circumstances because this is God's will for me in Christ Jesus. It's not always easy and I had to preface my prayers today by admitting that I was angry and confused and angry and yes, bitter. Why not us? Why is raising money for us so hard. Our spaghetti dinner: so much work for so little. Adrian losing extra jobs this summer. Not getting his promised raise. Our garage sale (not my mom's): again so little payoff. Me trying my hand at selling on ebay: profit: $3. Arrhhhhh! We've tried, by golly, we've tried but it's just not working. Oh well. God has a plan. I just wish He'd let me in on it.