I woke up Thursday morning early and realized right away that OMG (oh my gosh) it's one week from today that we leave for Ethiopia! My nerves are all over the place. I've got that butterfly in my tummy-thing going all the time. I can't even begin to explain all the thoughts that are running through my head. I know everyone is so excited for us and the girls are beside themselves with excitement and joy but I'm running the gammot of emotions from elation to "what have I got myself into?". I'll be honest with you, I'm scared. Really quite frightened. To start with I'm afraid to fly. I hate it. We have three flights going: Cleveland to New York. New York to Dubai. Dubai to Addis Ababa. That middle flight to Dubai is 12 hours. On the way back it's 14! Fourteen hours with a six-month-old who just met us. Man, do we need some major prayer cover. Please, please remember to pray for us.
I'm also afraid of what I'm going to see there. We all know poverty exists but most of us never have to look it in the face. My courage fails me on this. To be honest I'd really like to continue to be ignorant about how the other half lives. I don't want to see three-year-olds begging in the street or see people so thin they barely exist. The despair, the hopelessness, the desperation. And how am I going to look at all the children in the orphanage (the lucky ones) who are hoping I'm their mommy, hoping it's finally their turn to go home, to have a family. How can I love on my son and ignore all the other children desperate for attention? It hurts to think about it and I really wish I could bypass this pain. In China they bring your child to you in a hotel. You never set foot in an orphanage. I suppose they don't want you to know but I get to know and I get to see. I get to see how these children live, where my son comes from, and meet who takes care of him. Isn't that grand? Isn't it? Oh how easy life is now. And how about in six months or a year? When I'm home and these pictures are just that, pictures in my camera and in my head. If they never go beyond that... what good are they? How can I see and not do? Isn't faith without actions dead? Yet, I'm not an action girl, never was. I'm quite passive, really. I always want to do more, wish I could do more, admire people who do do more and one day hope that I will do more. Maybe this time will be that time. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm not sleeping well. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I've got food in my belly and a house full of toys. I've got family, friends, and faith. It's so easy to be content and lazy when life is easy. I don't want to be lazy but it sure is nice being comfortable. I think for now, at least, God doesn't want me to be comfortable. He is leading me somewhere very uncomfortable but he is not leaving me. He will not abandon me. He will not forsake me. I will go where he leads and I'll try to be brave. I'll try to be strong. I'll do what I can and pray that is enough, until he leads me somewhere else.
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2 comments:
Mia,
We are so excited from your family! Put your fears and concerns in God's hands. I think that he will show you more than the poverty and the childern. You will be able to tell your sonn about were he comes from. He has been brought into his life for a reason. God has speical plans for your family. I am very excited to see what they will be. :-) Don't worry about flying. You will have so many people praying for you. I am glad we will be able to share in this adventure with you.
Amy K. from Homebuilders
Mia,
Hello! We have a mutual friend in Michelle from your MOPS group. She asked if I could read your blog and encourage you. We adopted a 7 year old boy from Liberia, Africa 21 months ago. My husband and I both traveled over to get our son and the experience was unbelievable. (Liberia is also considered a 4th world nation.) Leaving our other 5 children behind was very difficult, but I would never have wanted to take them and expose them to the potential dangers in Liberia. I prayed the whole time that nothing would happen to the three of us while we were there because the health care system was so poor. As much as you would like to experience this as a family, I think it is a much safer choice to leave your beautiful girls at home. The experiences you have while you are there and the pictures you are able to take will be so valuable in sharing with your son when he is older. It is amazing how much our son has forgotten in just 21 months that he has been with us and we are able to talk to him about and remind him. I won't kid you, it is very difficult to see the other children and know you can't "save" them all. However, it is like the story of the man walking on the beach pitching star fish that have been beached by the hundreds back into the ocean. When asked why he was doing that since he couldn't possibly save them all, the man replied, "Yea, but it matters to this one." It will matter to your little son and you and your family are doing your part and you must trust the Lord to be the rescuer of the others. You are being obedient to the Lord for your son. We actually had the opportunity to meet our son's family including mom, grandma, and grandpa (plus a half-brother and aunts and uncles). Whew... that was heart wrenching. As we drove away with grandma wailing, I asked my husband what are we doing. A few miles down the road as we saw 8-9 year old boys pushing wheelbarrows of "merchandise" to try and make a buck, my husband replied, "This is what we are doing, getting him out of this as his future". Our son has adjusted so, so well to being in America and being a part of our family. Other then the color of his skin, you would never know he was not our biological son! Be encouraged, the Lord has ordained the time, the place, the child, your family. He is sovereign and in control of all the details. Are you adding a day to your life with the worries? A friend who is walking through Leukeimiah with her 5-year old son said, "God does not give us grace for our imaginings." He WILL give you grace for the realities, though.
Be encouraged and of good cheer, the Lord will not leave you or forsake you!
Best wishes, missy mccracken
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