While this may seem to be the beginning of the end I realize that it is actually the beginning of the...beginning. Our paper pregnancy is almost over but raising this child is what it is all about. We haven't had a baby in the house in five years. I don't remember what it's like to be at the beck and call of a child who can't do anything for himself. I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to all that fun stuff again. I'm not, but I can say I can't wait to do it all again. January 12 can't come soon enough.
During my quiet time with God today I turned to Psalms and came upon Psalm 40 which I had previously partially hi-lighted. For those of you who know me, you will understand why it speaks so personally to me.
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
Psalm 40:1-3
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced;
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, "Here I am, I have come-
it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."
Psalm 40:6-8
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
Psalm 40:1-3
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced;
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, "Here I am, I have come-
it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."
Psalm 40:6-8
I did say yes to adoption but it wasn't an easy yes to say. Even last night I lay awake thinking of all the "what ifs." What if he's sick? What if he doesn't sleep? What if he has learning disabilities? I could go on but I suppose the biggest what if would be what if I said no? What if I had said NO?! I shudder to think. What would I be missing? What would this family be missing?
What about you?
What about you?
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2 comments:
Congratulations on your new son!!!
I know what you mean about all the 'what ifs' that flood your mind in the middle of the night! The thing I always remind myself though, is that there are so many 'what ifs' throughout our entire lives and if we let fear reign we'd never do anything! And of course, God's comforting promise that He will never give us more than we can handle-though, I have to say- sometimes He likes to stretch us pretty good!
Praising God with you for your new baby!!
What a wonderful gift you are giving Kidus - he'll be able to read this one day and know how desperately he was wanted and loved before you ever met him!
For me, reading this over the past couple of months has been like getting to see inside your heart. It has made me laugh and made me cry. I'm in awe of your faith and your hope. It's inspiring.
I love you, sister.
XO, CU
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