Friday is the Big Day!

After being away for a month and home now for a week the countdown to our court date is just about over. Tomorrow, September 12 is the big day. After having three children will I finally be able to say "it's a boy!"? Only God knows and He is keeping mum, much to my annoyance. I would like a hint, a clue, a sign, something, anything. Should I be preparing myself for bitter disappointment? Not that I'd be able to. I'm the type that hopes till hope has long sailed away. Needless to say, I often end up hurt. Maybe tomorrow I will go to bed hurt, angry, and bitter. I know we could be denied for any number of reasons. Sometimes I wonder if my medical history might cause problems. I think that is a possibility though I hope not. Maybe our rep won't show up. Maybe our paperwork won't be in order. Maybe the judge will be in a bad mood. Maybe there will be no hearings tomorrow for unknown reasons. Maybe, maybe, maybe. So many possibilities.
I had a restless night last night full of tossing and turning, strange dreams about snakes shedding their skins, and broken prayers. My prayers which should be so focused have been so scattered and confused. Someone said to me this morning that God wouldn't lead us this far and then abandon us. True, but He could shut the door. Someone else said that sometimes God pushes the "pause" button. I like that analogy. It makes more sense to me than saying God has His own timing. I don't know why but it does. I wonder if He's pushed that pause button for us. If He has, it'll hurt. I believe in God's timing and I know he's got more sense than me but the problem is that He doesn't often give explanations for this timing. I guess it's only a problem for me, not God.
I'm not sure when I'll hear tomorrow or even how I'll hear. I think Grace emails instead of calls but we'll see. I know this. I'll go to bed praying, wake up praying and pray through my workout. I'll go to bed hoping for the best, wake up hoping for the best and hope until I hear otherwise.
If God listens to the prayers of children, we've got this in the bag.