For the Critics

The following is opinionated and somewhat harsh.

Maybe I should just be quiet as this too shall pass but I really feel the need to comment. To all the critics out there and you know who you are. I've read your comments and normally I wouldn't pay any attention but my heart aches for the future of adoption, Ethiopian, domestic, and other international. Your uneducated musings about why Americans adopt are ridiculous and dangerous. You have no idea why one individual family chooses to adopt and thus, you shouldn't speculate. I don't really care what you say about me amongst yourselves. I'm sure you are saying it just to make yourselves feel better or probably you have nothing better to talk about. Adopting Rowan was a calling from God. It was God who pointed us to Ethiopia. It was He who chose this tiny, malnourished, sick child and entrusted us to care for him. Rowan is my son, MY SON! and I will rise up as fierce as a mother grizzly bear to defend him if I have to. It is our right to call him what we want, not yours, not the kebele's, not the orphanage staff. He was abandoned. His biological parents did not name him. We did! We who love him, adore him, care for him, feed him, change him, read to him, snuggle with him, hug him, kiss him, comfort him, teach him. We are his family, not you. We're not perfect. We know that. We're not black. We're not Ethiopian. We don't speak Amharic. I can make injera and dora wat but you probably wouldn't eat it. We're doing the best we can with what God gave us. He will provide what we need to raise this child to be a proud Ethiopian-American. You may criticize us and all AP's but unless you have a better idea of what to do with the 143 million orphans around the globe, please keep your backward opinions to yourself.

And the Cutest Baby Is..................ROWAN!!!!

So you probably know by now that Rowan won the Babytalk Magazine/Good Morning America cover contest. Out of 50,000 entrants he was chosen as number one! That's pretty good, pretty exciting really. We didn't know he was going to win, I swear. Right up to the point the GMA staff was walking us downstairs to the studio they continued to tell us the other two families were also there. Oh, maybe I should start from the beginning. On October 2 we were informed GMA was not planning to bring the three families to New York for the unveiling which was scheduled for October 12. Adrian and I were disappointed and I took it to mean Rowan had not won. October 2 was a Friday and I spent the weekend a little depressed. By Monday I had accepted the inevitable and was actually a little relieved (that we weren't going). Heck, I didn't have to spend the week running around like crazy trying to find a NYC approved outfit and worrying about how I was going to do my hair. Tuesday was a normal crazy day here and I didn't open my computer until the evening after the children had gone to bed. What a shock to get an email from Victoria from Babytalk Magazine saying the staff did want us to come to NYC for the unveiling after all! Wow! I couldn't believe it. I had prayed that if Rowan had actually won God would change the minds of GMA and bring us to NY. This new news didn't mean that Rowan had won, I reminded myself, just another free trip to NY. So let the scramble to find myself an outfit begin. It was very frustrating having so little time to get ready for such a big event. We were going to be on national t.v.! I decided on Wednesday that I wasn't going to stress about what I was going to wear. I just didn't have time and I knew it wasn't worth it. And I must say, I didn't stress.
We were told all three families would be there and we weren't to contact them. This sent up red flags, especially for Adrian. He was pretty convinced Rowan was the winner. I wasn't so sure. At least I wasn't going to assume anything though I must admit it didn't make any sense to me to bring all three families to NY for the unveiling. However, I must say that when we got to NY I did scan the streets and hotel lobby for the other two families. If you've ever been to NYC you must be thinking that's what makes no sense. The streets are teeming with people and there was little chance of me seeing either family by chance. We enjoyed Sunday walking through a street market then retired early to give Rowan a bath. Monday we had to be at the ABC studio at 7:50 with our hair and makeup done. Still, they touched us up anyway and put mics on us. Rowan got a whole new outfit courtesy of The Children's Place. We were told they would put us in the audience and that the other two families were there already. O.kaaay. As they walked us down we met up with the hosts of the show like Sam Champion and Chris Cuomo and Robin Roberts. That was pretty neat! So as we were put in the audience I scanned it for the other two families and nope, I didn't see them. I wasn't surprised. Afterward, the folks from GMA and Babytalk joked about what bad liars they were. I understood. They were trying to keep a secret and it was a tough one to keep. I guess I don't need to tell you about the actual show because you can watch that on YouTube or the GMA site. The actual unveiling was a little bittersweet for me. This whole thing was a family affair and yet we weren't together as a family. I almost wish they hadn't brought us to NY. I would have liked to be with the girls for the moment of celebration. We still haven't celebrated in fact. When Rowan was announced as a finalist on September 1 it was so much more exciting and satisfying. It opened so many doors for us to talk about adoption and now it's over. Sam Champion did mention Rowan was adopted and it's in the magazine but he didn't ask us any questions about it and I so wanted to talk about it on national t.v. It was a bit of a let down. The whole contest for us was not about winning a gift card (which we haven't received yet, btw) or about bragging rights. We just wanted to spread the word about adoption. Now that the contest is over I'm afraid that platform is gone. We've gone back to being nobody special. Well, that's not entirely true. I still have the cutest baby in America and lots of people around here recognize him. Also, I do get to talk at my MOPS group in January and that reminds me, I'm supposed to write a brief article for the MOPS magazine, so that's something. It was really fun while it lasted and this is something Rowan will always have, not that he'll remember any of it, however.
The whole contest was fun and a bit surreal. I could see and feel God's hand in it the entire time and I hope to write about that someday. God really does have a heart for orphans and he takes care of them and blesses those who care for them. I love my son so much and not because he's the cutest baby. I love him because God gave him to me (all of us) and I feel so very blessed everyday because of him. It's an amazing kind of love, the kind only God can create.

FINALLY!!!

No, he hasn't won. Yet. O.k. I have no idea if he won or if he is going to win but I do finally know when I'll know. MONDAY! Talk about waiting to the last minute. Truth is, I couldn't take it anymore and on October 1 I emailed Babytalk and asked when we would find out. I didn't ask if he won just when they would announce it and how. We received word on Friday, October 2 that the editor of Babytalk magazine would announce the winner live on Good Morning America on October 12. At that time GMA had no plans to bring the three families to the show. We were disappointed and I came to the conclusion that Rowan had not won. I don't mean to be arrogant here but Adrian and I thought that if Rowan had won they would want him on the show. He has a story to go with his cute smile, after all. Oh well. I did pray though that if he had won that God would change the minds of GMA and have us on the show. I was shocked when I finally checked my email Tuesday night and found one from Babytalk saying "Good news. The editors want to bring the families to New York for the show on Monday." If I hadn't been sitting down I really could have fallen over. I didn't get on my computer earlier in the day because the girls were using it for school. The weird thing is that Adrian didn't receive the email either on his blackberry because he didn't take it to the lake with him. He always has his blackberry with him. So here we are sitting on the couch Tuesday night trying to relax after the kid's have gone to bed and we have no idea how our world is about to turn upside down. Wow! I spent the next two days in a state of mild shock, floating around, but not on cloud nine. My cloudy mind also could have something to do with the fact that my house is in a state of constant disarray and I've had men drilling in my kitchen all week! Yes, in my kitchen. Back to Rowan. I am not assuming he won. That doesn't seem fair plus we were told that all three families are going to NY. I know a lot of people have told us they think he's won but thinking something, wanting it, and knowing it are three different things. It'll be great if he won, real exciting, but we'll come home from NY and on Tuesday I'll get up, put Luca on the bus, try to go for a run, weather permitting, home school Henley and Teagan, grocery shop, vacuum, make dinner. You get the idea. Life will go on. For now though I'm going to enjoy myself. For the next three days I get to imagine what it's going to be like to be on t.v. in New York City.

Still No News

So it's been 29 days since finding out Rowan is in the top three of the GMA/Babytalk Magazine cover contest. People ask us all the time if he's won or when we'll find out the results but we don't know what to tell them because we don't know ourselves. Arghhh! The suspense is killing me! I know that is just a cliche so it's obviously not true but it is getting to me. My nerves are frayed and I find I'm being short with the children. The problem is not just not knowing. It's also not knowing when we'll know. At least the first time I had a set date to circle on the calendar. I just want the phone to ring and someone to tell me he won or he didn't win. Stop the torture and just tell me the results already. Of course, I want him to win and I'll be pretty devastated if he doesn't win but at this point I really do just want it all to be over.
I do take a lot of comfort in talking to God about it. I know he knows the results. Unfortunately, he's not spilling the beans. There are a lot of great passages in the Bible about patience and God's will and taking care of orphans (that would be feeding them and the like, not winning contests, btw). I also take comfort when I hold Rowan and think, "I've already won the prize. I got him!" It doesn't get any better than that! When I think of where we were a year ago: we had a referrel for this teeny tiny baby, a blurry picture of him and not a court date in site. That is true torture when it comes to wanting something to come and not knowing when it might happen. Every adoptive parent knows exactly what I'm talking about. It says in Habakkuk, "though it linger, wait for it; surely it will come to pass." This will come and pass and life will go on and I will wake up each morning and Rowan will wake up and I will parent him and love on him and thank God for him. And thank God for him.

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remembering the Day!

So you must know by now that Rowan was one of the three finalists for the Good Morning America/Babytalk Magazine cover contest. It was quite an exciting morning, September 1. I got Luca on the bus at 7:20 and then went for a run. I had to calm my nerves somehow. When I got back Adrian, the girls, and Rowan had GMA on. Adrian thought he knew the results already because the public relations director from Mercyhurst had called him and said she found the winners online. Of course, Adrian wouldn't tell me the three so I immediately assumed Rowan wasn't one of them. I was chagrined and disappointed but kept it together for Henley and Teagan's sake. We got the video camera out and set it up so we could video both the t.v. and our reactions. I'm so glad we did! Of course, Adrian was playing me! First the girl. No surprise there. Then a boy, and not Rowan. Well, that's it, I thought. I had convinced myself Babytalk would pick one boy and two girls. When the host of GMA pulled the sheet from Rowan's picture I swear it took me a whole second to realize it was my son! I was so sure I was about to see a girl's picture that I didn't know what I was looking at. So there was a lot of screaming, jumping, and thanking God going on. What a happy moment! I still thank God. I have said from the beginning he has orchastrated this entire thing. We have not heard the results yet, nor do we know when we will hear. Of course, we want him to win but this entire process has been in God's hands and it still is. One of the best things to come from this entire process has been the opportunities we've had to talk about adoption. Tomorrow we have yet another chance. Adrian and I are going to have a radio interview with The Family Life Network which is a christian radio station out of New York. I have the station on all the time so I feel it's quite a privilege to soon be on it. (I don't think it's going to be live tomorrow though.) I've been praying for these opportunities and God has delivered. This is the third time the media has been interested in our story. God is so big there is no telling where else he may take this or take Rowan. My imagination doesn't stretch that far. For tomorrow, I'm praying that the words that come out of mine and Adrian's mouths will come from God. We want his work to be done. Please pray with us that we will speak articulately and with passion and that the person or persons who need to hear our message will be listening.


I know you can't vote anymore but you may still be able to watch the video clip so I'll leave these links up.
You can watch the video at http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=8461204

You can also see a local news clip about us at YourErie.com


God is in control.

Twas the Night Before GMA

Well, tomorrow is the day we find out if Rowan is one of the three finalists for the Good Morning America/Babytalk Magazine cover contest! What a wild ride it's been. It still feels a little like a dream. I'm actually not going to post much tonight. All I really want to say is that God is in control. Throughout this entire process I have felt God like never before. On Sunday, I was out for an early morning run before church when I rounded a corner and there before me was the most beautiful rainbow I had ever seen. It was so bright and clear. No, it wasn't raining. When I looked north toward the rainbow it was dark and cloudy. When I looked south it was clear blue skies. What I would have done for a phone (to call the girls) or a camera. It was so beautiful, I had to stop running and just stare at it for I don't know how long. I think the guy pulling out of his driveway a few houses away was a little concerned about this weird girl staring at the sky with her mouth hanging open. I'm not taking this as a sign Rowan is going to win. I'm just saying God is nearby and there is evidence everywhere you look.
I know God has orchestrated this entire journey and that if it ends tomorrow it is because God wants it to end. If it continues, it's because God wants it to continue. Of course, I want it to continue, but more so I want God's work to be done. I have prayed that he would use Rowan in this instance to advance his kingdom. Naturally, Rowan has no idea what's going on. As long as he gets his breakfast tomorrow, he'll be happy. I, on the other hand, may not be able to eat any breakfast, depending on how things go. So anyway, thank you all for your interest, prayers, and well-wishes. If you get a chance to watch Good Morning America tomorrow, do so. If not, check back here and I'll post the results. Until tomorrow.

NYC BLOG PHOTOS (59 photos), by Mia Spracklen

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.

New York Update!

We are back from NYC and we had a fabulous time! So good, in fact, I wish we could go back and do it all over again. It was truly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I so appreciate that fact. I want to tell you every single detail of our trip because in doing so I'll be able to relive it. Of course, you might not be interested in every single detail from our trip so maybe I'll leave a few out. We arrived Thursday, August 6 at about 12:30 but couldn't check into our hotel room until 3:00 so after changing Rowan's diaper on the bathroom floor in the lobby (Yes you read that right. Don't worry, I put down tons of very thick napkins.) we headed out to walk around the city. We had a great time exploring and the weather was perfect, warm but no humidity. We ate dinner at ESPN Zone and Rowan learned to drink milk out of a straw. When we got back to the hotel we expected there to be some sort of information packet from Babytalk but there was nothing. By seven we were pretty worried so Adrian went down to the lobby to ask the staff. (This hotel has hosted the families for this event in years past.) Oops! They forgot to give us our welcome packet. Finally, some information! Rowan's photo shoot was scheduled for 11:30 Friday. He was the fifth baby scheduled and the last one before the staff took a lunch break. The papers we got listed the names of the other seven finalists and we couldn't help but pore over the names and try to figure out what they were like. For example, we figured there were at least four girls but with three names we could only speculate. Some were obviously white. Some were not. Some had two parents. Some just had a mom. Anyway, we were relieved to have a plan for the morrow. We decided we would get up, walk to the studio so we would know where it was, have breakfast in our room and put Rowan down for a nap before his 11:30 showing. We executed our plan flawlessly. The hard part was getting Rowan down for a nap in a very small hotel room where he could sense our presence. Adrian came up with a brilliant plan. We turned the radio on and the lights off. While Adrian put Rowan in the portable crib I opened and shut the door as if we were leaving. Then as quick as a flash Adrian and I dove into this tiny space between the bed and the wall where we half-lay, half-sat until we heard no more crying. It was uncomfortable but it worked! In that time of crouching in the dark on Friday morning I decided it was a great time to pray. I wanted the photo shoot to go really well and I was super nervous. My stomach was doing flipflops and I couldn't eat anything so I just pored out my heart to God asking for his favor, asking that he go with us, asking for prayer cover, thanking him for this awesome opportunity. I was so emotional that Adrian noticed. It was more than nerves at this point though. Rowan is such an answer to prayer, such a blessing to us. How do you say thank you for a miracle? What do you say? Seven months previous we were in New York City at JFK airport with a very tiny, very sick baby. The weather was horrible and I was frightened our flight would be delayed and we'd be spending the night searching for a hospital to take Rowan to. His breathing was so shallow, so scary. To be able to come back under such different circumstances could only be orchestrated by God. Why he chose us, I don't know. What his plans are for this, I don't know. All I could say was thank you for this miracle child and for this opportunity to show him off. I was able to pull myself together before the shoot in order to get myself and Rowan ready. We have some very funny pictures of me trying desperately to do his hair. It was a short walk to the studio and then 13 floors up in the elevator. Before the doors opened on the 13th floor we held hands as a family and said a quick prayer. The shoot went really well and it was so much fun. Rowan was fabulous. He smiled right on cue and didn't move. They loved him! I would give him a ten out of ten for how well the shoot went. He wore two different outfits, one with a hat! LOL. They even took pictures of me and him together. How fun! Good thing I put makeup on! Hahaha! The cherry on the cake was that we got to talk about adoption. Orchestrated by God? Absolutely! Later that day we got to meet the other finalists and I have to say they were all pretty cute especially the boys. The three finalists will be announced on Good Morning America on September 1. I can't believe I have to wait that long! I must say I desperately want him to win and I have been praying for that specifically. I also must say that I am struggling with that emotion because I want God's will to be done and I know that Rowan winning might not be his plan. I'm also struggling because I know this is just a fleeting moment in time and it seems to me there are other more pressing matters. However, I also recognize that this could be a wonderful opportunity to showcase adoption to the whole country. If Rowan was chosen as the finalist he would be on GMA. What a great outlet to speak passionately about such an important topic. Obviously, I've got it all figured out in my mind. LOL! I am asking that you would join me in praying about this.
Saturday we left our hotel just before nine and got back just before five. We spent the day walking to Central Park, going to the Natural History Museum, checking out St. Patrick's Cathedral and the American Girl Store (we didn't buy anything). Even though it was two miles away we decided to go to an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner. It was worth it. On the way back we had to stop at Kmart to buy a new pack of diapers. Need I say more?
Sunday we walked to a nearby playground to let Rowan play. We met a very nice couple who lived nearby with two children, one 13 months old. The mom was from England and the dad an African-American. We talked hair-care-products and preschool before saying goodbye. Rowan suddenly developed a belly ache and screamed the whole walk back to the hotel (about 20 minutes). Other than that incidence we had a wonderful, magical time. I know it was prayer cover that allowed everything to go so well so I must say thank you, thank you, thank you. Our girls also had a great time with my parents so a huge thank you to them as well.
Now I'm counting down the days till September 1. In my mind of course Rowan is the cutest, but we have no idea what the photographs look like. We'll just have to wait and see. My plan is to schedule something fun for September 1, that way if he is a finalist we can celebrate, and if he's not at least we'll be doing something special. Keep praying and watch GMA September 1!

A Cover Contest Finalist!

Well God sure knows how to surprise a girl! Purely on a whim, or what I thought at the time was a whim, I entered Rowan's picture in a photo contest for BABYTALK Magazine. Of course, I knew he probably wouldn't be chosen but it was only going to cost me $.9 for the print and $.42 for a stamp so why not take a chance. I did think they never do choose the really cute ones and I'm sure there are some parents out there right now thinking that very thought. But holy cow wouldn't you know about a month ago someone from BABYTALK called me to say Rowan was being considered as a finalist for the contest! I think I would have fallen over except that I was up to my elbows in frosting. I was throwing a birthday party for Luca at a local park and it was seriously threatening rain so I was super stressed and my kitchen was a mess. When I got this call from Victoria from New York I was so shocked I think I just said something like "oh, o.k. thanks." I hung up the phone and got back to my frosting which, of course, I had to make from scratch. Why go the easy route, right? Anyway, Adrian and I had to both fill out some background check forms and submit them to ABC since Good Morning America is a sponsor. It's their policy I guess. After nearly three weeks of stress and prayer on my part, they called to congratulate me Friday. Rowan is a finalist! He is one of eight babies chosen from a field of 50,000! Wow! Rowan will have a photo shoot in New York in August! A photo shoot in New York City! Adrian and I have had a good laugh over this one. I mean, who really expects their kid to be chosen, no matter how cute they are? Certainly not us. This is something that happens to other people, not us. I guess now it's our turn. So we are extremely proud of our extremely cute kid. Of course, since he is adopted we can take no credit for his good looks. I give God all the glory for this. I know he orchestrated this from the moment I walked into Children's Place and saw the ad for the contest to the moment I snapped the photo. I am not a good photographer yet I got a good picture. That wasn't me. It was God. I don't know what his plans are for this. Maybe this is as far as it goes or this could be a wonderful opportunity for adoption and for Ethiopia. The top prize is a gift card to Children's Place but the real prize would be having an adopted child, an Ethiopian on the cover of a national magazine! I heard on the radio today that you should be specific when praying. If you are general you'll get general answers. I'm being specific in my prayers about this opportunity. I'm praying Rowan is comfortable during the photo shoot and smiles a lot and has fun. That he's not sick or tired or hungry or has puffy eyes as he sometimes does. I'm praying he doesn't bump his head or scratch his face before the shoot. I"m praying he is chosen as one of the final three. ( The general public gets to vote for their favorite once it's narrowed down to three.) For the millions of children out there who don't have a home I am praying that Rowan can stand up for them and give them a face and maybe an opportunity for something most of us take for granted, a family. Please pray with me and pray specifically and please pass this prayer request on to everyone you know. Give them my blog address. Tell them to read this. The photo shoot is on August 7. I don't have any other details now but will update as I learn more. Pray for Rowan. Pray for Ethiopia. Pray for orphans.

A Little on the SHORT Side

Rowan is doing tremendously well. He has come so far in such a short time. Six months ago at six months of age he couldn't hold his head up, sit up by himself, or drink without dribbling. Today, at a year old he is belly crawling, starting to cruise along the couch, and he eats anything we put in front of him. He's also gained 11 pounds and grown four inches! Unfortunately, he's still short. I'll be honest. I'm a little worried. When you think about it, four inches in six months really isn't that big a deal. I've known adopted kids who grew two inches in two weeks! Rowan is obviously taking his time. Babies are supposed to grow ten inches their first year so Rowan has some catching up to do. We're going to give it another year before we really worry. I can't help but pray about it though. Before we got our referrel, one of my prayers was that he would be tall. I grew up in a short family and I didn't and don't want him to go through the hardships I saw some of them go through especially my sister. I just know life will be a little harder for him if he is short. It's not fair and it shouldn't matter but it does and it will. I am trying very hard to remember that God is in charge, that he has great plans for Rowan, and that this is something I need to trust him for completely. I must not pray my will into Rowan's life but rather God's. I'm still going to pray that he'll grow. How could I not?
Even though Rowan is doing so much better, he is still not reaching all his milestones when he should so we have an appointment with a neurologist next week. Amazingly, the neurologist is actually in Erie so we don't have to go to Pittsburgh. Yeah! We don't expect there to be anything wrong but we do need to be proactive. Hopefully next week I'll have nothing to report.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROWAN!

Tomorrow, June 30, is Rowan's first birthday! We aren't going to do much. Since it's Luca's birthday July 2 we are having the four girls from next door over for lunch so we'll celebrate both their birthday's together. Adrian is out of town and that really puts a damper on the whole thing. I got him a Thomas the Tank Engine musical caboose, a shape sorter, and a toy piano. I think the girls will be more excited than Rowan. I'll put a candle in a banana (his favorite food) and take a picture.
I feel very blessed to have this little miracle in my life. He truly is a miracle. As I think of where he came from and how he came to us I can't help but think of all the other possibilities. He could have so easily died. The various scenarios keep running through my mind. What if his mom abandoned him and no one found him? What if the Kebele took him to a different orphanage, one who wouldn't have cared for him like Hope did? He was malnourished when we got him and I know Hope did the best they could. What if his mom kept him? That is the scariest scenario to me. Knowing his physical limitations and the health problems he's had, if he was still in Ethiopia he would probably be the equivalent of a sixth-month-old not a 12-month-old. Even now, Rowan's physical therapist says he is like an eight-month-old. He's had to overcome RSV, tracheamalacia (still working on that one), and low tone (definitely still working on that one.) Of course, I have to remember that he also has had or will have to overcome being abandoned, leaving the only home and people he knew, losing his culture and his language, never knowing his history and coming to a cold land where he will certainly be judged by his skin color sometime (probably many times) in his life. He doesn't know it yet, but he's black and we all here are white. Of course, I also have to remember that he has also gained a family: three crazy sisters who absolutely adore him, a father who I've never seen so proud (o.k. maybe three other times) and me, a mom who pours out her heart to God everyday for this child who I would lay down my life for. People who haven't adopted always say how blessed the adopted child is to have a family. They mean well, but those of us who have adopted know the real truth. It's the other way around. We are the ones who are blessed!
I love Rowan so much and I thank God for him. On this, the eve of his first birthday, I must also thank God for his mother. (I actually thank God for her all the time. How could I not? Look what she gave me.) How I wish I could meet her, tell her thank you, show her her beautiful son, ask her why. I pray she is still alive, that she knows God, and that God will heap tons of blessings upon her. I also pray that maybe, just maybe some day we might find her. So as you think about Rowan over the next few days please remember his mother too and all she did for him and how her great sacrifice gave so much to us.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROWAN MICHAEL KIDUS SPRACKLEN!

Scope Update

Rowan had his scope on Monday at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh. We left Sunday to take the girls to my parent's in Akron, Ohio. We were told we would probably have to stay overnight at the hospital so we had to pack for several contingencies. We left my mom's at 4 a.m. Monday morning in order to get to Pittsburgh by 6:30. Sure, that was fun. What a great hospital though. The staff was absolutely wonderful. Not only professional, but caring and friendly too. We felt really well taken care of. I was able to go into the O.R. with Rowan for the beginning of his surgery. Before the docs anestitized him, Dr. Kitsko scoped his voice box. He wanted to see it while Rowan was crying, not asleep. It was normal, by the way. It was so cool to see. Most parents who opt to go into the O.R. only go until their child is put under but since part of Rowan's procedure started before anesthesia I got to see more. The docs were worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it, seeing him cry. Silly, silly. I wasn't worried about Rowan. I knew he'd be fine. I just wanted to see as much of his surgery as possible. I would have stayed for the whole thing if they'd let me. I should go back to school to be an O.R. nurse, but when would I have time to do that? The surgery lasted about an hour and a half. After about an hour I started to get pretty nervous because I thought it was only supposed to last about 45 minutes but all was well. Dr. Kitsko came and confirmed what we had been told to suspect: tracheamalacia. Rowan's trachea is underdeveloped, floppy, and about 60% of the size it should be. It's pretty rare, of course, and there is no way of knowing what caused it. The good news is that it should self-correct by 36 months, possibly earlier. The doc also put him on anti-reflux drugs. I guess I should get that prescription filled. After doing some research online my only concern is that tracheamalacia may also indicate other problems like reflux, developmental delays, and heart defects. He's definitely got developmental delays but that could be explained by being in an institution for five months. Doctor Kitsko seems to think he has reflux but that is easily fixed, isn't it? Heart defect? Two short words that make my blood run cold. I wouldn't normally worry except that he sweats so much when he sleeps and eats I finally googled it and it also said it could be a sign of a heart defect. Wow! It's probably nothing and I don't plan on worrying but I sure will be praying and yeah, Trini, I'll call his pediatrician to see what she thinks. He continues to be an absolute joy and worth everything we did to get him here. God's timing is so perfect. Right now in Ethiopia there are so many delays and they have put a stop to all adoptions of baby's who were abandoned in Addis Ababa, which was Rowan. Even though parent's have gotten referrels of children they may not get their children home for a very long time. How thankful I am to be able to hold him so close to me every day, every day. There is also a serious formual shortage in Ethiopia now. Babies are not getting the nutrition they need. Children are dying for lack of food (not just orphans, I mean). Why should any child cry because they have an ache in their tummy? Why should any mom cry in anguish because she has to watch her child go hungry day after day? Can you imagine having to make the decision to give up your child so that they might eat and therefore live? I have so much to be thankful for, more than I recognize. I'm sure you do too. Thank God today for all you have and pray for these children and parents who have so little. If you are interested check out Tom Davis' blog. He just returned from Ethiopia and has a lot to say about the state of orphans there. You'll have to google it since my neighbor always sends it to me I'm not sure of the exact address.

Update

Our trip to Pittsburgh was successful on Tuesday despite lots of bands of snow squalls on the way down and back. The Modified Barium Swallow Test showed that Rowan has no problems swallowing at all and everything is going down the right tube. Nothing is being aspirated into his lungs. That's good news. Of course, we still don't know what is wrong. We've just eliminated one more possibility. The scope I talked about earlier will now be scheduled though I don't know when.
Rowan continues to be a joy and everyone who sees him says he's grown, and I think he has too. He's starting to get another chin, dimples in his elbows and a little chunk on his thighs but for the amount he eats he should have three chins and dimples everywhere. Of course, he did poop five times yesterday. Oh well.

To Pittsburgh and Back

Rowan is sick and we don't know what is wrong with him. We've been to Pittsburgh three times in the last eight days. For those of you not from around here, that's a two hour drive. We've filled our car three times already this week and it's on empty again. Rowan has always had this breathing problem. He always sounds like he is congested. He suffers from sleep apnea. He has a hard time eating and breathing, though he sure makes a good go of it. He has put on some weight since we brought him home but not much, not for the amount that he eats. He's barely grown at all in the inch department. Maybe a quarter of an inch, maybe. Something's wrong, something just isn't right. But what is it? He is a happy, happy baby. He eats really well, loves to eat, loves it. He sleeps through the night but doesn't sleep soundly. He's bonded with us and the girls. He's small for his age but what is his age really? There are so many puzzle pieces but we don't know what the picture looks like. So last Wednesday we went to Pittsburgh Children's Hospital to see a pulmonologist. I didn't understand much of what he said but it was a relief to finally have a doctor agree with us and say there is something wrong. One thing I remember him saying is that Rowan's lungs are hyper-inflated. I don't know what that means. Sorry. He referred us to a GI specialist because Rowan's abdomen protrudes so much. She thought he wasn't gaining weight because he is using so many calories just to breathe he's got none left over for growth. She ordered lots of tests, blood work to check for parasites and an ultrasound of his belly and chest. He's already had chest and abdomen x-rays. Yesterday we were back in Pittsburgh to see an ENT specialist. He thinks it could be reflux, though Rowan rarely spits up. He prescribed zantec or something like that to see if that helps. After seeing the GI on Friday and then the ENT yesterday we thought we were finally making some headway. However, after talking to the pulmonologist we feel like we're back to square one. He disagrees with both the GI and ENT specialist. Arghhh! What they all agree on however, is that they all need to do a scope. What's a scope? I don't know. What I understand is that they put Rowan under using anesthesiology (did I spell that right?) and then put a camera down his throat or nose and take pictures and biopses of his esophagus, stomach, intestine, lung... I'm not scared, just worried. What if they don't find anything? What if they do this and still don't know what is wrong with him. Why isn't he growing and why is this so hard to figure out? I'm so tired. My poor Henley celebrated her tenth birthday yesterday at home with her sisters and grandma while Adrian and I took Rowan to Pittsburgh. I want this to end but I want it to end with a clear answer, but what if there is no clear answer? The scope was set for Monday but it's been post-poned till all three doctors can attend. Hopefully, we'll find out tomorrow when the new date is. I know God knows what the problem is. I just pray He will tell these doctors the solution.

Love

I know when some mothers are pregnant with their second child they often think "how can I love this child as much as I love the one I already have?" I never thought that. I figured if I have this much love for my first child than certainly I will have the same amount for the next, and the next after that. I was right. Love can be limitless. It still is. This child, this little boy with his big brown eyes, coarse hair, ready smile, and smooth brown skin has captured my heart like I can't explain. I have as much joy for him as I have for my Luca. I have as much worry for him as I have for my Teagan. I have as much pride for him as I have for my Henley. Rowan is beautiful and wonderful and has so much potential. I can't wait to show him off. I can't wait to watch him grow, to see what kind of boy he is going to be. I don't know anything about him. Will he be short or tall, athletic, musical, smart, or not so smart. Will he laugh a lot or will he be serious? I don't know. I feel excitement at his unknown potential and also sadness. I can give him nothing about his past, his parents. He is going into this life blind yet he will go forward with love. I can pray him forward and pray for his security. I am his mother and he is my son. I love him more than words can say. God loves him more than I do and God knows him inside out, where he came from and where he is going. Thank God for God.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

We're Back!

First, I have to say sorry I didn't blog while in Ethiopia. The internet connection was so slow I couldn't even get on to my blog. I was able to check email and email my girls but that was about it. The Bole Rock Hotel, though nice and comfortable, was definitely not an American hotel.
Since I wasn't able to write while there I won't be able to recreate our entire trip. I think instead I'll just recall some points that stick out in my mind.
The altitude. I'm a pretty fit person but by the time I climbed three flights of stairs in the hotel my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. Maybe by the last day I was starting to get used to it but the climb still made me breathe hard and my heart pound.
The diesel fumes. Apparently Ethiopia had no emissions regulations and all the cars are diesel and old and the fumes while sitting in traffic were overpowering. They also have very few traffic lights and no seat belt laws. Ethiopian drivers are very proficient at using their horns but not in a rude way. They beep to let you know they aren't stopping so you'd better get out of the way.
The beggars. They weren't necessarily everywhere but they were a lot of places. Begging is illegal in Ethiopia though that didn't stop most people. As we were driving down a busy street (and they were all busy) a boy, about eight to ten years old, was running next to our car against traffic with his hand out. Right before he was about to get smacked by a wing mirror of a passing truck an old man reached out with two hands and grabbed this boy. Then he laid into him apparently telling him off for begging. It's not only illegal but also degrading.
Hope's Place. Hope's Place is the orphanage where Kidus (Rowan) was at. I cried the first time I stepped over the threshold and saw all these beautiful brown faces so eager to be held. I cried when I climbed the steps to the baby room and saw my son for the first time. I recognized him right away. He was being spoon-fed runny rice cereal from a cup. That's my son. He's beautiful and he's mine. My boy. My boy.
Love. Some people question whether they are going to love their adopted child as much as they love their biological children. I'll be honest. I did. I had no idea what to expect but it was love at first sight. Love with a capital L. It was so easy to say "I love you" to him, to snuggle him, to kiss him. I was amazed at the love that poured out of my heart for this little 12-pound baby that I had just set eyes upon. It was overwhelming and wonderful.
Injera. Injera is the main bread they eat in Ethiopia. It is made of Teff flour and is flat and spongy and often sour. They lay a large round piece of injera on your plate and then spoon bits of stew or lentils on top. Ethiopians don't use silverware. Instead they break off a bit of injera and sop it up. I found it delicious and messy. After you eat and before, in fact, someone brings a bowl and pitcher around so you can rinse your hands. Just think, no silverware to wash.
A mother and her two kids. Of all the people I saw in Ethiopia these three stick in my mind. A mother sat on the side of the road with a baby on one leg and what looked like a three-year-old on the other. They just sat there on the sidewalk of this busy road. The fumes were awful and I just thought this is not what a three-year-old should be doing. She should be in preschool or playing with barbies or watching Seseme Street. She probably hadn't eaten anything that day I saw her, nothing that is but diesel fumes. The heartbreak this mother must feel being able to give her children nothing but her lap. Is that good enough?
Ethiopian Christmas. We were so fortunate to be in Ethiopia for their Christmas which they celebrate on January 7. It is not like our Christmas though. It is not commercialized and it is not extended beyond the day. Everyone was back at work or school the next day. Business as usual. Together with the two other Hope families we traveled with we bought a live sheep for the orphanage to have for Christmas. They killed it and we ate sheep and injera, played games, and danced. It was so neat to be able to celebrate Christmas at the orphanage. I don't have the words to explain it. There was so much joy and happiness and absolutely no commercialization. It was how Christmas should be. Plus, it had been Henley's prayer that we would have Rowan for Christmas. We did. God answered her prayer.
Sarsina and her brother Thomas. Sarsina is a 14-year-old girl who is going to be adopted by a family from Washington. Because she doesn't live at the Hope orphanage Adrian, Holly, and I drove to her house to visit her and take some pictures. What a beautiful girl. Though she lives with her brothers, and uncle, she is being adopted because she had been caring for her grandmother but then her grandmother died. Sarsina and her relatives live in a house smaller than my kitchen. There is no running water but there is electricity. There was two beds in one part of the house, a few benches, a kerosene burner for boiling water, an injera cooker, and a small tv. Oh yeah, there was a chicken too tied to a chair. We were so struck by this family's maturity, generosity, and love. They made us hot tea and shared their bread with us. Thomas loves soccer, wants to coach, and is studying PE. Adrian and I talked about trying to bring him to the US to go to Mercyhurst. Please pray for him and that this might happen.
Emirates Air. If you're flying to Africa or the Middle East it's a great airline to fly with. Nobody can make 14 hours comfortable but Emirates sure goes out of their way to try.
Holly and Kenneth and Donna and Michael. These are the two other Hope families we got to travel with to pick up our kids. We had the best time with them and now consider them all friends.
Adrian. My husband. It took more than five years of my praying for God to change Adrian's heart for adoption and boy did He. Watching him play with all the children at the orphanage was precious and priceless and now to see how much he loves his son, Rowan, does my heart good, to say the least. It is truly amazing. God is amazing.
Our first week. Not an easy week and not the week I would have chosen. Rowan came home pretty sick. We were concerned and felt lucky to see the pediatrician on Monday. Tuesday was such a bad night for him that we called the doctor again Wednesday and per her suggestion we hospitalized him. It scared me to death and I cried all the way home from the doctor's. They took lots of blood and ran lots of tests and just as expected he tested positive for RSV (Respitory Syncytial Virus). His breathing was so weak they gave him an IV and oxygen treatments. That helped and he only had to stay two nights. He is still pretty sick but not scary sick. Hopefully in the next week or two we'll notice significant improvement. So we've been home almost a week and have barely been home at all. Time is not my own (not that it ever was) and I am still adjusting to have a baby in the house again. I think he will be our baby but he might not be our last. God maybe calling us again. I don't know. I hope if He is that we will be brave enough to do as he asks.
Thank you all for your prayers and I ask that you would continue to remember us as you pray.